random occurrences...

My wife left me recently for a man-- I'm still not totally sure how I feel about it... But she gave me this idea while I was reading her blog. She mentioned how she always sees super strange things and never tells anyone about them because she never remembers. So I'm following in her footsteps and I'm going to write something brief.... Californians are nuts.

1. I'm driving to work, and I saw 6 big guys, sitting 3 and 3 in this tiny truck. It was hilarious. And their vehicle was driving SO slow... almost like it was weighed down or something. I laughed out loud.

2. Same day: I stop by the post office and there was some lady bickering with the worker about getting her P.O. box taken away, and she's like, "Oh great-- it's not enough that I have someone trying to kill me, but now my mailbox is getting taken away!!" Okay, crazy lady. Time to go home and get some counseling.

3. Same day: Evening commute, I look over and see this marijuana leaf air freshener hanging from the rear view of the car next to me. Do we think that smells like pot? I'm going to stick to my bright orange, french vanilla tree.

4. I drove down to San Diego for the Zumba workshop, and I stayed out in the parking lot while I was waiting for it to start. I spot this old woman carrying a McDonald's bag and I just figured she was walking to a place where she could sit and eat her breakfast. But of course, she walks up to a pine tree and stared at it for like 20 seconds before she picked a pinecone and stuck it in her bag. What the crap? Why did she do that?

Anyway, moral of the story is that I've started noticing some of the strange things occurring around me... Keep an eye out in your neighborhood. Lock your doors.

weezy f baby

GUESS WHO SAW LIL' WAYNE AND THE WHOLE CASH MONEY RECORDS FAMILY IN CONCERT?!?!?!?!

To anyone who has known me longer than one day, you realize what a monumental event this was for me. I've been DYING to see Lil' Wayne-- especially after he cancelled his show in Salt Lake that I was totally pumped for. So my good friend Matt (who hooked me up with the SLC tickets) sent me a message to remind me that Lil' Wayne would be in California in August... I was like, gotta get tickets, gotta get tickets. Of course, August 13th rolls around, and I never got tickets. BUT THEN.......

I got a text from my hoodrat friend, Garrett, early afternoon-- "What are you doing tonight?" blah blah blah... "Be ready at 5 o'clock." blah blah blah... So I had a feeling that we were going to do something fun, but NEVER IN MY WILDEST DREAMS did I think we were going to weezy, especially since he still needs convincing that ma boy is all that....

So he comes to pick me up, and with a little grin on his face, I heard: "We're going to Lil' Wayne". Oh my gosh, somebody call an ambulance, my heart is about to stop and I might pass out from the excitement. Honestly, I'm not exaggerating. I was positive I was going to need to sit down and take a twenty so I didn't end up in the E.R. instead of rockin it with the Fireman (F-Fire-Fireman).

We drove to Universal Studios, got some yummy dinner, and then hit the amphitheatre... IT. WENT. DOWN. Young Jeezy opened up and we put on for our cities (on on for our cities). There was some hilarious German sitting by us. I still don't know how I feel about him, but he and G became good buddies...

The lights turn down, and on the screens, we see my man Lil' Wayne walking up to the stage from his pre-party. HOLY CRAP. It was like being reunited with my best friend... except for the fact that we've never been united before...

Bottom line: I can't express how in love I was with this show. I loved that it was a surprise, I loved that there were a million artists there, I loved that I almost climbed over a railing in the parking garage to take a shortcut and fortunately got saved before I fell to my death, I loved the fire, the dancers, the bass pounding in my heart.... It was like, unnnn-believable.

So straight up, I know that I sound a little overdramatic, but whatever. I love Weezy, and I'm conviced that he loves me.

Here are some words for thought.

The man is brilliant.

"Even Gwen Stefani said she couldn't doubt me."

"Cuz my seconds, minutes, hours go to the almighty dollar."

"Love, live life, proceed, progress."

"And if you leave, you're leaving the best. So, you would have to settle for less."

"Gotta work everyday, gotta not be cliche, gotta stand out like Andre 3K, gotta kick it--kick it like sensei."

"Your boy ain't good enough-- style ain't hood enough."

I'll try to snatch up some actual pictures/footage from the night and when I do, I'll get them on here!! Cuz you thought Lil' Wayne is Weezy, but Weezy is Dwayne. Word.

entenmann's donuts=crack donuts

Holy. I've been busy.

I have some thoughts:

1) Weddings: My lifelong since elementary school got married in Utah last week. Kellie Carter is now MRS. Kellie Whitaker!! I flew back to Zion for a few days and got to party one last time with all my crazy girlfriends... The wedding was beautiful, she was a gorgeous bride, and they had freakin churros and soft serve ice cream. BUENO, Kellie. Well done.

2) Missions: My cat-lady friend, Jill, left on her mission today to Argentina. She is seriously one of the funniest people I've ever met and I miss her already! Hopefully she comes back with Argentine Tango experience so she can be my teacher... I think that's good material to impress men...

3) Stitches: I got cut. SLC is a dirty, scary place and so naturally I got in an all-out BRAWL with some crazy chick downtown and got shanked in the back. A million stitches later, I'm good. On my way to a complete recovery. You think I'm kidding....

4) Activities: I find myself spending more and more of my time at Cherry on top, Yo yum yum, Yogurtland, and any other trendy self-serve shop you can think of. I love them. Good dessert+good friends=a happy Jaime. Ya know what else makes me happy? When my mother comes to visit!!! Sister Perry treated the besties to a yummy dinner at Macaroni Grill last night. My mother and her friend Jackie are in Anaheim for the IDEA Fitness Convention. Someday when I'm rich, I'll spend my money on working out. Until then... I'll dance off those kcals! Usually my dance parties are in the car... by myself... uh... forget that I told you that. BUT, last night after dinner we went to Ocean's in Laguna Beach and went 80s dancing. Best part of the night: watching the cougars hit on all the drunk men, and eating a bite of Garrett's Ice Cream Snicker's Brownie.

5) Sleep: Over the last 5 days, I've had 17 hours of sleep. Calculators everyone: 3.4 hours/night. Uh-oh... But here's my thing-- Sleep when you freakin die, ya know? I've experienced some great conversation, the fastest commute to work in my life, a morning spent getting lost on the freeway, resorting to eating a fastbreak for breakfast... (<--- Did anyone catch that?)... dope...

6) Donuts: I know, I know. My blog is centered around food and the snacks I'm obsessed with. Is everybody listening? I have great news-- I'VE FOUND THE BEST DONUTS IN THE WORLD!!! You can find them at Albertsons, currently 2 for $5.00. No lie, I can POUND a box of these donuts in like less than an hour. That's legit. I was called to dietary discipline by one of my friends, who reminded me that my poor arteries will clog, and I will look like a donut if I keep eating full on boxes of Entenmann's. As a result, I'm in reform. No more old-fashioned, glazed for me. I'm eating string cheese and steel-cut oatmeal now. Moral of the story: since I can't eat them, YOU should buy a box today and eat them for me.

SHAWTY, YOU A TEN.